By Danna Downing
Susanne White is the creator of the blog, “Caregiver Warrior”, and the author of “Self-care for Caregivers”. She offers advice, tips, and strategies for caregivers. “Emotional self-care is vital to staying ahead of the emotional curveballs caregiving can throw into your life,” she asserts.
She emphasizes that emotions are our guidelines to tell us how caregiving is affecting us. Her mission is to teach us how to move forward, stay balanced and flourish under difficult circumstances. She encourages us to take a moment each day to check in with our feelings. She reminds us to tell ourselves that whatever we are feeling is OK. Anger, resentment, frustration, anxiety, and guilt are normal responses during the caregiving journey. She also assures us that with time and practice, we will be capable of managing these feelings.
We cannot expect to be perfect caregivers. We are bound to make mistakes when the journey is filled with so many unexpected challenges. White suggests that we let mistakes be our teachers by accepting our responsibility for the mistake and regarding it as an opportunity to learn something new and do better next time. We also need to forgive ourselves and remember we are trying to serve our loved one with the best of intentions. This kind of self-love is the cornerstone of empowered caregiving.
Caregivers can feel resentful when we dwell on the “loss” of our normal lives. It is important to give ourselves some time to adjust and to take things one day at a time. As we try to embrace every little smile, sweet thank you, and the fact that we have made a positive difference in our loved one’s life, we may find that changes to our own lives become less distressing.
Working smarter, not harder, is the caregiver’s goal. White suggests we end the day with a list of reachable goals for the next day. She recommends that we consider doing the hardest task first when we have the most energy. This takes the pressure off and allows us to do more enjoyable activities for the rest of the day. She emphasizes the importance of doing only one thing at a time, to avoid the stress and confusion of too much multi-tasking. Another way to work smarter is to always take breaks when you begin to feel tired and distracted. Our overall well-being is a top priority. She also suggests that we reward ourselves at least once a day in celebration of the day’s accomplishments.
I have discovered in my discussions with other caregivers that Susanne White’s resource guide is right on target in addressing the top concerns of caregivers. For hundreds of additional tips and resources, visit caregiverwarrior.com.
Lastly, I would add this bit of advice: Surround yourself with positive people and lean on your faith during your caregiver journey. In closing, I share a prayer from Darby Fetzer of Schoolcraft. Darby recently completed her caregiver journey with her mother. Darby’s prayer is actually a song that she sang at her mother’s memorial service. Darby tells us her family took about three months to prepare for their final honors. It was a healing process for them which bears witness to the importance of a family’s grieving and the value of taking time to fully understand the meaning of a loved one’s impact on their lives. Every family’s journey is unique. However, I found comfort in these words of faith. I hope they may comfort you as well in your caregiver journey.
“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, faith has taught me to say:
It is well, it is well.
With my soul, with my soul.
Though pain, tribulations and trials should come.
Let this simple prayer now console me.
Though I have regarded my helpless estate
I shall know it is well with my soul.
When life beareth down and no answers arise
And all is beyond my control.
My heart can still rest in the peace I have found.
And proclaim it is well with my soul.
It is well, it is well.
With my soul, with my soul.”
Originally written by Horatio Spafford (1873) with music by Philip Bliss (1876).
Sung with updates by Kimberley Debus in 2009.
