By Danna Downing
At one low point in my life, I copied a few words down to lift my spirits and help me move forward. I do not remember the author or where I found the words, but I will be forever grateful that I did. “What I would really like said about me when I am gone is that I found something so profound that it encouraged me to develop the courage to build and cross bridges in the attempt to reach other human beings in meaningful ways.” I think these few words have helped me to tap into what makes me feel authentic and fully alive.
I recently read a beautiful obituary about Jon Reeves, founder of Combat Ready Art in Kalamazoo. Reeves spent over forty years smithing and teaching students aged nine years and older who wished to learn the craft of blacksmithing and metal work. Reeves “grew up as the son of a Green Beret in the Korean War on military bases with a sniper as a nanny,” said his wife, Jutta Wilberding. People who took his classes found the experience therapeutic and empowering. Jon was a gifted teacher who knew that blacksmithing can be intimidating with sparks, fire, and new tools. But he also knew overcoming a fear translates into every other aspect of living a full life. He always said: “Metal is very forgiving. You can make a mistake, but it does not mean it is ruined.” He did not care about his résumé , according to his wife. “It was all about how many connections he made and how he treated people. He was authentic.”
Jon Reeves’ life struck a chord with me. It started me thinking about my desire to be authentic and connected in my life. I have learned over the years that being authentic is a process, not a destination. It involves being aware of our own strengths and weaknesses and becoming comfortable in our own skins. It requires a lifetime of experiences and relationships to fully develop. Each time we are able to be genuine, honest, and vulnerable, we have the opportunity to build mutual respect, expand our interests, and develop deeper and more meaningful relationships. Every time we feel understood, heard, and valued by others, we receive a new sense of belonging and purpose in our lives. By being present, positive, and supportive to others, we are mutually rewarded.
Authenticity does not happen magically. It begins with taking time to be with others to listen deeply, without motive or judgment. It begins with seeking to truly understand another person. And it requires developing new habits and thoughts that promote more authentic relationships. That means we strive to be honest and open by sharing our struggles and exchanging positive energy to build trust.
At the same time, we must commit to finding a healthy balance in our relationships where we can fulfill our own desires and well-being while being considerate of others. This can often be a challenge. It requires management by setting clear boundaries and communicating sensitively with respect. We need to allow ourselves time to prioritize our own self-care when it becomes necessary. Doing so is not selfish but absolutely required in healthy relationships.
Some say that nothing is more important than living fully in the moment. We do this more when we realize that even the most fleeting encounter has the potential to be a gift to both us and others. Valuing such relationships means aiming to focus more on others by becoming more curious and interested in knowing people better. It also means leaving space in our daily schedules for time to receive such opportunities to add more joy and purpose to our lives.
Wishing you much joy and many deep friendships.
