One of the most transformative experiences we can have as human beings is the feeling we have been listened to with deep understanding and compassion. This experience is at the core of all loving relationships.
The relationships between adult children and their parents, as well as other family members, provide a unique opportunity for honest conversation, deeper understanding, patience, and respect for all concerned. It is a time to put away judgment, quick fixes, and unsolicited advice. It is also a special time to work hard to deepen family connections by listening with the goal of mutual understanding and respect.
As we age, we become older versions of our younger selves as we enter into a new season of our lives. We face major changes in how we look, feel, and must accept many difficult challenges. Hopefully over the years we have learned how to take advantage of opportunities to truly understand what is happening in our lives and the lives of others. We thrive on being able to enjoy good times and support each other in the tough times. We hope to have time to talk openly about our lives and to work through our differences peacefully.
Opening communications and putting sensitive matters on the table for discussion can be a critical ingredient in the process. Each family does it in their own way, but the net effect is to clear the tension and relax into the quality time we have left so that we can be at peace after our loved ones are gone. It is also a good time for opening up to the amazing resources which are available to assist us during our journey through grief and loss. Having the right medical resources and support allows us the opportunity to focus on loving and supporting the older adult and each other during this stage of life.
Knowing this makes sense, but there are hard realities which bear consideration. We older adults are never given magic wands to wave over our families and friends to assure things will go smoothly. We cannot command a frank discussion. We cannot control all of the factors which promote what we desire. We can only speak for ourselves, as well as listen to those who love us with respect and patience. We are all in this together, but the road can be bumpy. We may just have to agree to disagree on some things. We need to stay focused on accepting and giving the love we have available in each moment with grace and mutual respect. Saying “good-bye” can be a long hard process. However, it can also be an enlightening and beautiful process as well, if we stay strong and positive.
